November 30, 2006

I've finally had a week where the majority of my days were "unscheduled" and actually my time has been "my own". It's kind of a strange feeling after working so much for so long. Now, though, I have time to think...and that isn't always good. I MISS work...I miss the feeling of excitement mixed with fear that I got every time we lauched for a flight. I always said that if you're ever NOT a little afraid when you're going to take care of that super-sick/injured person...you are NUTS! I miss the feeling of knowing that a challenge, a puzzle, a life-or-death race lay ahead of me...and wondering how things would play out. Would I sail through...would I face unforseen challenges....could I anticipate the challenges....would I learn a new lesson that would benefit someone else??? I miss being TESTED. It's nuts. I know.
This week I've had the joy of watching Christopher anticipate Christmas. While the decorations were all up by Thanksgiving, his enthusiasm has only increased. The magical side of life is very real to him...while we've always told him that Santa was just "pretend"...and stressed the REAL meaning of Christmas...he is just a huge Santa fan (much to Phillip's shagrin)! Christopher is "practicing" for Christmas by putting some of his small toys in his stocking, and "wrapping" and unwrapping many of his other belongings. He ceremoniously puts them under the tree and begs for a "bowl" to put on top for decoration (OK so it's "bow" not "bowl"!). He is just FUN!
I've started working on a book for my kids. I found it at Hallmark and it's called "Did I Ever Tell You...Your Life's Lessons In Your Own Words". Inside there are just "story starters" like "Maintaining lasting friendships requires......" with lined pages to finish the "lesson". It is very interesting and thought-provoking. I hope that the kids (especially Catherine) can go to this book for the "wisdom" (or lack thereof) that "Mom" would have given them....after I'm gone.
I'm seriously considering enrolling in Phase I of the I.U. Ceftriaxone ALS study. It is a very demanding protocol, with rather invasive components (a Hickman Catheter for IV Ceftriaxone, and spinal taps to name a few things) but I just can't sit back and do nothing and watch myself loose all my ability to move, speak and ultimately breathe. It is a hard decision, because the study has it's risks, but I've always been a "calculated risk" taker...
I've seen a few of my friends from Hancock and Methodist in the past week and I want you to know that it is AWESOME to have company! I hope to see more of you over the coming weeks. While I tire out easily, I can still talk and I still love to laugh! So bring your funny-selves over! Love, Claudia