Porn shot at BSU now available at local adult store - NEWS

Porn shot at BSU now available at local adult store - NEWS

Wow. I am so proud of my Alma Mater! I am speechless.

I'm Sill Here

I have company from Texas right now.. my dear friend, Vicki... but I am still around. Just BUSY and trying to get outside every chance I get!!! Above is a picture of me, Catherine and Christopher yesterday. Love, Claudia

Truth

"Truth belongs to a different realm of existence and significance than facts and reality." ~ William P. Young, author of The Shack

Heart

There  comes a point in your life when you  realize

who  matters,

who  never did,

who  won't anymore...

and  who always will.

So,  don't worry about people from your past,

there's  a reason why they didn't make it to your  future.

A Prayer

(From Ephesians Four Ministries)

Today's Prayer
Dear God, "To live is Christ, to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). I want to live unto Christ. May the days of my life on this earth be pleasing to You. I pray that I will "die to self" and grow and become more like Christ as I journey toward that day when I will be with You in heaven. Please use me to bless others; to give love, encouragement, help, and guidance where needed; to meet material needs of the needy; and to point people to You. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for all that You have done for me, for all that You are doing in my life right now, and for all You will do in whatever days are to come. In Jesus' precious name I pray, amen.

The Best Birthday Ever

Monday was my birthday, and it was the best ever!  Christopher and Amy and I were joined in our inflatable pool by Julia and later Angela and her family (not all in the pool!!).  I got the most ginormous smiley face balloon of all time and a cool cake made to look like a block of cheese with cartoon mice on it!  And it was my favorite (white cake with original white icing).  YUMMMM.

We enjoyed the outdoors and then had salsa and chips and cake.  Later we played Scrabble and drank strawberry daiquiris!  I am still exhausted, but it was amazing!  I felt so loved and I am so blessed to have such good friends.  Many of you who weren't here to celebrate sent cards and I love you so much! 

God is good!

Love,  Claudia

In DEEP water............

Baptism at the Red Sea
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman06-26-2008

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Rom 6:4).

When Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt, he took them to the edge of the Red Sea. The people saw the sea before them and heard the chariots of the Egyptians behind them. They knew they were trapped - and they lost their faith in God. They thought God was no longer at work in their lives. In panic and despair, they turned on Moses and said, "Why did you bring us out into the desert to die? When we were slaves in Egypt, didn't we tell you, 'Just leave us alone and let us continue serving the Egyptians.' Better to live as slaves than to die out here!"

They couldn't imagine that God's path to freedom actually led straight into and through the deep waters! The waters of the Red Sea, like the New Testament sacrament of baptism, are a symbol of death. When Moses parted the Red Sea, the people of Israel walked upon the dry seabed with walls of water on either side. They descended into the depths of the sea. They died to their old selves and rose to a new life that led to the Promised Land.

Like the people of Israel in their journey, we panic and cry out to God, "Did You bring me out into this desert of adversity to die?" We would rather live as slaves than die to self and yield control of our lives to God. But God takes us through the depths so that we can emerge as new people, ready to enter the Promised Land.

In general, I've observed that the greater and higher the calling, the more intense the adversity. I'm not saying one person's call is more important, but I am saying it may have a more far reaching impact on others. This often requires greater preparation.

If you find yourself in deep water, thank God today that He is preparing you for a life that is designed to impact many.

BAD NEWS! Again......

Today I received the ruling on my appeal hearing with Medicaid (held nearly 2 months ago). The judge ruled in the STATE's favor and my $927 per MONTH (yes, that is nine-hundred, twenty-seven dollars per MONTH) "Spend Down" (deductible amount before Medicaid will pay anything towards my bills) stands.

Needless to say this is horrible news. I still cannot fathom how the State of Indiana can maintain that a disabled adult supporting another adult and a disabled child with just over $2000 per month has (in their words) "$927 per month excess income".

I need to continue to lobby to get the ICES Policy (policy for Medicaid among other things) on this matter CHANGED.

Don't stop praying. I am at a loss...

Love,

Claudia

Christopher's Surgery Went Great!

Christopher before surgery

Hi and thanks to all who prayed for today to go well. For those of you who don't already know, Christopher had to have dental surgery under general anesthesia today. All his major dental work (sealants, x-rays, fillings, cleanings) have to be done under a general due to his behavioral issues. We were dreading today, knowing that Christopher has extreme anxiety problems anyway (without surgery!).

Julia comforts Christopher after his IV is started

We were blessed to have my friend Julia drive us down and help Amy and I out. Christopher loves Julia so her presence was a real comfort. He was anxious, but did great at keeping himself from becoming self-injurious or from getting aggressive. He was able to verbalize "I'm afraid", which was a huge milestone for him in and of itself!

He had 4 baby teeth extracted (the permanent teeth were already coming in but the baby teeth weren't falling out), cleaning, x-rays and a phrenulectomy (removed tissue between his two front teeth). He came out of anesthesia looking like he had been socked in the mouth, but otherwise did quite well. He has 4 stitches that will have to be removed on recheck.

Last time he had this, we ended up back in the ER with an asthma flare up, but this time he seems to have rebounded well. We had a fabulous anesthesiologist (even started the IV herself) who, when told of the problems last time, gave albuterol to Christopher while he was still intubated. The only problem he's having now is pain (we have good meds for that) and HIVES. The hives have abated with 50 mg. of Benedryl. :)

Thanks again for your prayers! NO major meltdowns, NO puking, NO aggression, NO asthma flare! YEAH!

Love, Claudia

The Mantises Have Arrived!

Christopher looking at his "bug kit" where the first mantis of the season is on display (later released safely...no mantises were harmed in the events described!)

A "close-up" of this summer's first praying mantis!

We are delighted to announce the birth of some baby mantises in our yard! Christopher couldn't have been happier to see the miniature version of last summers' friend! Stay tuned for further developments and pictures, I'm sure.

In other news, Phillip has been here for more than a week and we have been so glad to have him around (OK, give or take the screeching singing along with the Doodlebops or the chanting "Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! GO PLANET!" as he watched YouTube videos of "Captain Planet!).

Tomorrow a group from church will begin construction of a ramp from our back door to the back deck, along with removing our non-functional hot tub and replacing that part of the deck. I can't wait until I have a big old deck that I can go sun on! :) Thanks to Stock Building Supply and Matt Payne for the lumber and to the group from Union Chapel "Serve" who will do the work, along with an anonymous donor who paid for the railing and other materials we need. Additionally, the group will put up a small section of chain-link fence to complete the enclosure of our back yard in preparation for our Service Dog who will come home after the two-week training in late October!

I am getting a little bit of a tan, trying to go outside every day that it is nice and not too hot. This week has been fabulous! Like California without the "sun tax"! I haven't been sleeping well. I have a lot of muscle spasms in my neck, shoulders and upper back as well as over my hip bone (greater trochanter for those who care). Between the AVAPS (vent) hose and my pain, sleep is hard to come by. I bought an older electric hospital bed at a rummage sale (thanks to my friend Angela for scoping it out and calling me!) but the two foam pads still don't make it comfortable to sleep on. I need the adjustment of the head and feet to support my head and neck so that some of the strain is taken off, but the bed just isn't the right consistency. My friend Kent has a Comfort-Pedic adjustable bed and that is really what I need. If I had a queen size I could comfortably watch our evening episode of "Emergency!" with Christopher. As it is, we squeeze into the hospital bed. It is cozy, to say the least.

I am blessed that I can watch videos like that on my laptop with Christopher. It has become our nightly ritual to watch one episode of "Emergency!" and one of "Adam-12". If you don't know what those shows are (a) you're too YOUNG and (b) you can go to www.wikipedia.com and check them out. Both are spin-offs of the TV show "Dragnet" (SURELY you've heard of THAT!). Anyhow, it is a good "mommy and me" time for Christopher, plus I get to critique how much things in EMS and medicine have changed. It is a fun time for all!

I am leading an online group study of the Randy Alcorn book "Heaven" and I am so excited to be doing so. I have made so many new and wonderful "old friends" since leaving PHI. I wouldn't trade them for the world. I am BLESSED!

Hope you are blessed this June 22nd as well! Love, Claudia

Update

Hi all,

Just a short update on all things "Claudia" -- LOL! Of course, that includes Amy and Christopher and my dear, precious friends....

Amy is doing great. Her face is almost healed and her arm is doing better. It has been an amazing process watching her skin renew itself. God is amazing!

Christopher is doing better. We have done some adjustments to his diet, added more consistent "sensory" routines (it's a sensory-integration thing) and he seems to be coping better with life in general. Getting his service dog earlier will help so much too! On the physical side, we've encountered a little "glich". In the last couple of weeks he has suddenly sprouted about 5 permanent teeth...unfortunately, the baby teeth are not loose and are not falling out. SO, on July 2nd we have to take him for surgery at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital (general anesthetic) to have those 5 teeth removed, a phrenectomy (gumline growing down between his front teeth removed) and his 12-year molars "exposed" (cut away the gum so they can descend). Doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Prayers are appreciated!

I'm doing OK. Falling more. My balance sucks.. of course it doesn't help that I have always been a person who is mentally three steps ahead of my feet....cause my feet aren't keeping up any more. I've got a few new bruises (and a shattered tower-fan) to show for my escapades over the past 48 hours, but I say "no blood, no foul"!

I'm doing an overnight oxygen test tonight. My trouble breathing is not getting much better and there is a possibility that I may go on oxygen. That is another dilemma, since oxygen is not generally recommended in ALS (the thinking of my lung doctor is that my breathing problems are due to my asthma, not my ALS).

On the bright side... I am slowly getting my bedroom decorated, thanks to the efforts of my friends. I bought curtains and now just need to get them hung. The walls are all painted and I am slowly beginning to hang my "things" on them. I am collecting old plates/saucers, etc with pink rose patterns on them to hang on the wall. Yard sale fans...keep an eye out for those 25 cent ones for me!

I am so blessed to have you as friends. Love, Claudia

A shadowbox I did with my mother's picture, a pair of her dressy gloves, a dried rosebud and some jewelry... I love you, Mom!

Words of Wisdom - Opinion

Words of Wisdom - Opinion

Written by my daughter, Catherine (Ippolito) :)

BIG NEWS!

We just got word that we are going to be getting our Service Dog in OCTOBER instead of December! We couldn't be more excited! Just over 4 months to go!!!!

Christopher's website is acting up (thanks to my trusty-musty XP platform computer dying and my getting a Vista platform replacement...incompatible with the now way out-dated "FrontPage" that I used to design his site). I will try to get that all straightened out ASAP... but the bottom line is that we have one last financial hurdle to mount to get our dog....the travel and accommodations for the two-weeks in Ohio and some mandatory dog equipment.

If you'd like to help with a fundraiser please contact me. You may also send your tax-deductible donation to:

Congregation of the Covenants
c/o Malcolm Smith
6927 Thousand Oaks Lane
Indianapolis, IN 46214-3298

On the memo line, please designate for what
your gift is to be used. A receipt will be mailed to you at the end of the year.

Update on Amy

Well, it has been a challenging week. I totally spaced an appointment I had Tuesday. Life feels kinda out of control.




Anyway, here's an update on Amy's condition...in a nutshell...she HURTS :


Photos June 3rd (Tuesday):



Photos today (June 4th):

Thanks for the prayers!

Thanks to those of you who prayed! I fully expected Amy to be in bed doped-up on pain medicine for several days, and while she isn't healed yet, she looked much better and felt much better this morning. Don't stop praying! I will post some pictures so you can see the improvement already:

Last night (June 1 approx 10 PM - approx. 5 hours after incident):


23 hours later:


Don't stop praying! :)

Love, Claudia

Prayers Please

Please pray for Amy. This afternoon she was cooking on our charcoal grill when some meat grease flared up and burned her on the right side of her face/neck and right forearm/hand. We spent a little time in the ER and she's got first and second degree burns on her face and first degree on her right forearm and hand. She's short a LOT of hair that got singed and about half of her right eyebrow is gone, but she is going to be OK. Her eyeglasses saved her eyes and she was right by the garden hose so she was able to extinguish her hair and get the burning stopped quickly! We go back to the ER for a recheck tomorrow. Please pray for total and rapid healing!

The blessing is that we had two friends over when this happened and Catherine was here, so they were able to take Phillip and Christopher with them while I went in the ambulance with Amy. The boys did GREAT everything considered! PTL!

Also, please pray for us financially as Amy has no health insurance.

Love, Claudia

Meeting Old Friends for the First Time

This past weekend I got the chance to meet a new old-friend, Paula Schwarze. Paula saw our story about the service dog project in the Muncie Star-Press online (she now lives in NC, although she is from Muncie). We began to correspond via email and found that we have a genuine sisterhood in Christ. There are so many of you out there like Paula.... Old friends I've never met. What a rich blessing God has given me! Thanks to each of you who pray for and think of me and who KEEP IN TOUCH. Don't stop praying!!! I am SO WEAK.....right now I am struggling with depression and it is your prayers that lift me up to the Father that keep me afloat. Thank you. I love you..... Claudia

Just falling...........

I have been so tired and breathless and it frustrates the beejeebers out of me! I still think I should be able to do all the things I used to do... and I can sometimes (for a minute or two). Christopher has been a BEAR for the last couple of months. His meltdowns are increasing, he's biting himself and leaving bruises and he cries....which makes ME want to cry, but I can't because that adds fuel to the fire.

Today, I wanted to take some things to my neighbor across the street, Bob, who has advanced lung cancer. Amy and Christopher were going to go too and I was going to take my Jazzy. I made one HUGE strategic mistake. I turned the Jazzy around on the ramp (no problem there, the ramp is not steep and is very, very wide) and then (problem enters here) I decided to back down the remaining 12" of ramp, thinking I would turn around in the driveway. Well, there's one little problem with my ramp. It is not flush with the pavement at the end. In fact, it has about a 1.5-2" lip. This is something we have to get adjusted, but is, for the most part live-able...unless you go down the ramp backwards! I got to the edge and the whole chair just fell over backwards! The saving grace was that I had the headrest extended as high as it would go and my head it that instead of the PAVEMENT! Needless to say it was a HARD JAR to my body and my neck is killing me now. Otherwise, nothing was hurt but my pride.

I was able to raise the left armrest of the Jazzy and just roll out of the chair onto the ground and then get up onto my hands and knees....and it was then that I felt a bug fly into my hair and I reached up and grabbed it to sling it out and got stung... it was a wasp. Add insult to injury (or injury to insult!).

This all upset Christopher, of course. None of this was on the "agenda". SOMETIMES I HATE AUTISM! Then I feel so bad for him... how unpredictable and out -of-control his world must seem! Dang it!

I finally gave up and asked Amy to just run the things over to Bob while I sat on the couch nursing my wounded pride and sore neck.

Thanks for letting me "vent". Sometimes I just don't know what else to do....

Love, Claudia

Coincidence? Maybe NOT......

Just last night I was feeling that sinking feeling I get now and then... I even posted it as my status on MySpace.... "Claudia feels like life is passing me by... everyone else's life goes on..." Then today I got this devotional (once again, from Ephesians Four Ministries):

The Place of Nothingness
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
05-25-2008
"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) .

Do you find yourself in a place of nothingness? There is a time and place in our walk with God in which He sets us in a place of isolation and waiting. It is a place in which all past experiences are of no value. It is a time of such stillness that it can disturb the most faithful if we do not understand that He is the one who has brought us to this place for only a season. It is as if God has placed a wall around us. No new opportunities - simply inactivity.

During these times, God is calling us aside to fashion something new in us. It is a place of nothingness designed to call us to deeper roots of prayer and faith. It is not a comfortable place, especially for a task-driven workplace believer. Our nature cries out, "You must do something" while God is saying, "Be still and know that I am God." You know the signs that you have been brought into this place when He has removed many things from your life and you can't seem to change anything. Perhaps you are unemployed. Perhaps you are laid up with an illness.

Many people live a very planned and orchestrated life where they know almost everything that will happen. But for people in whom God is performing a deeper work, He brings them into a time of quietness that seems almost eerie. They cannot see what God is doing. They just know that He is doing a work that cannot be explained to themselves or to others.

Has God brought you to a place of nothingness? Be still and know that He really is God. When this happens, your nothingness will be turned into something you will value for the rest of your life.

I'm looking forward to seeing the deeper work.. I am definitely the person who is described above who has "been brought into this place when [God] has removed many things from [my] life and [I] can't seem to change anything."

Thank you, Lord, for the ministry of Ephesians Four and Os Hillman through their words that seem written so often just for me. Amen.

Love,
Claudia

Payin' the Piper

I had such a wonderful weekend filled with friends, old and new! Today, I'm payin' the piper....been sleeping most of the day and no energy when I'm awake. It is totally worth it!

Thanks for your love,

Claudia

Translation and Blessings

Beautiful spring sky and the blooms on my miniature crab apple tree

I was told that I need to knock-off the "medical-jargon"....so here's the translation of my last blog post: I'm having more symptoms and my ALS is progressing. That's the long and short of it.... sorry for the big-word-eese...honest, I don't do it to confuse...just second nature!

It is a beautiful, beautiful day! I am sitting on my front porch, with praise and worship playing from a streaming station at http://www.pandora.com/. I am enveloped by God's love. God is multiplying my friends like Jesus did the loaves and fishes. Wednesday Sheryl was here with her unstoppable energy and creativity! Friday afternoon I got to hang out with Julia and that night I had fellowship at Small Group (love you guys!!) and yesterday (before I was even up!) Danny had come over and cleaned out the gutters (thank you, thank you, thank you!) and even brought "treats" for Christopher and me. Yesterday our friends the Horaks were here and went to church with us last night. Today my friend Roni surprised us with a visit and then my buddy from the ER at Methodist, Aaron, and his wife, Michelle and their friends came over and are working in my flower beds (that is an understatement...more like transforming my yard)!

I feel like a princess...and yet I am SO humbled. People who don't even know me, sacrificing their time and effort just to make my world more beautiful! WOW. Isn't God amazing? This is all HIM loving me through souls in "earth suits"!

Love,

Claudia

Medical Update

Hi all,

Up until the past few weeks, I don't feel that there has been much to report regarding my health. I've gotten progressively more fatigued, have more slurred speech, more trouble eating, yadda, yadda. The past couple of months things have taken a somewhat more dramatic (for me, at least) change. The most obvious new physical symptom I've developed is clonus. I had some jaw clonus (feels just like your 'teeth chattering' for no reason) for many months, but I now have clonus in my extremities. Unfortunately it is making my balance more unsteady. The other rather significant symptom I've developed is marked dyspnea (shortness of breath) with exertion...to the point where I can only speak in one-to-two-word sentences. I saw a pulmonologist in Indy last week and he has changed me from my BiPAP to a non-invasive ventilator at night (AVAPS) and has put me on a 6-week blitz of nebulized short-acting and long-acting bronchodilators as well as steroids. This, coupled with my immune deficiency (treating my inability to fight the bacteria that causes pneumonia) is a concerning development. Mostly, though, I just get frustrated because my phyisical activity and sleep are so negativly affected by my breathing.

So, you might see me in my wheelchair, or walking with a "rollator" walker. All this said, I don't think I "look sick" and I'm glad of that. I'm trying to get sun whenever I can to cast off the winter-pale and I laugh and joke as much as possible! Come join me on the deck or front porch! Bring your sense of humor...it is the only requirement.

Love, Claudia

Please activate prayer chains

In a nutshell... please pray that our situation with Medicaid is rectified! As it stands, I have a $927/month spend down (I have to pay that out of pocket on Medicaid eligible expenses before Medicaid will pay a DIME toward my medical bills). I have Medicare, but it is TERRIBLE insurance by itself.... so the amount I have to pay out of pocket would likely be the maximum which, incidentally, is almost 50% of our monthly income. Just as an example...IF Medicare covered 80% of my current medical expenses that could come to over $1400 per month...my IV Gammunex alone is close to $7000 a month and my AVAPS (non-invasive ventilator) is over $900 per month.

This could make us homeless or cause me to go without necessary medical care.

God is the only one who can change this. We have an appeal hearing on May 14th but were told outright that we will loose and owe Medicaid for everything they've paid for up to that $927 per month for each month since the change was made (5 months ago???).

Thanks for praying.

Claudia

Coming to you live....

Well, it has been a while since I actually blogged about current goings-on and I thought it was time! I owe a couple of you emails (Cory!) but honestly I haven't been on the computer very much in the past 6 weeks or so. I have really seen a decline in my stamina and my arms are getting weaker so sitting at my computer has been a real drain. I'm working on some solutions to that, with the help of my friends Kent and Vicki. I'll keep you posted.

My breathing has become more of an issue of late, as well. I have found that minimal exertion leaves me short of breath and unable to speak in sentences longer than 1-2 words. I saw my neurologist a couple of weeks back and he referred me to a pulmonologist (lung doctor) who I saw on Friday. I was very impressed with him and am happy to say that we've at least got a "plan". My RT (respiratory therapist) came and traded out my BiPAP for an AVAPS, which is essentially a ventilator that is non-invasive. For those of you "medically inclined", the AVAPS has a tidal volume, rate, max/min IPAP (inspiratory pressure) and EPAP (expiratory pressure...sort of like PEEP). The pulmonologist ordered a gazillion labs to make sure that some other medical problem (besides my ALS, asthma or obstructive apnea) isn't contributing to my breathing problems. He thinks that it is likely a combination of my ALS and my asthma. So, I get to start on nebulized steroids and long-and short-acting bronchodilators.

My balance sucks at times and my legs just feel weak after I walk. I am using my wheelchair more when transportation allows me to take it 'with'. Unfortunately, our wheelchair van spent a month in New Whiteland with my buddy Kent in charge of getting it fixed (which he did....God love him!). We got it back last Monday and yesterday we drove it for the first time and the brake light is on and the brakes are NOT working right. SO.....here we go again.

The good news is that we are all healthy and Phillip is even here visiting this weekend. It is so great to have him around. He has become such a wonderful young man. He is eager to help and is always very polite. He calls Amy and me "darling" and "my dear" (and Christopher is "buddy", "bud" or "bro"). I can't believe that he will turn 21 in less than 2 months!

Catherine is finishing up her first year of her master's degree at ISU. She taught freshman English this semester and has gotten a real dose of "what is different between an 18 year old and a 22 year old"! Light years! And (as those of you old geezers like me know) there is more revelation to come! Look at the chasm between 22 and 30!

Christopher is eagerly awaiting the arrival of the "baby mantis[es?]" (plural...we have 5 mantis egg sacs in our yard). I'm just ready for us to have the last freeze solidly behind us so that the beautification of the yard can begin. I am so excited because Michelle and Aaron Hoard are bringing some of their church friends up on May 4th and will help get some of the weeds pulled, and some other yard "sprucing" done! (Thank you guys!)

It has been a beautiful week here in central Indiana, but alas, the second of two cold fronts in as many days will move through tomorrow and next week is supposed to be quite a bit cooler....but we'll warm up again soon after that! I'm ready for get-some-sun-on-the-deck weather!!! I am SO sick of being couped up indoors! I have some small flower plants started from seeds (too early) and a couple of geraniums to put out as soon as the frost danger is passed.

Well, that's about it for now. No philosophy, religion or general sappy sentiment...just love from 'me to thee'.

~Claudia

Subject: Magnolias

I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . . . So many details, so many bills, and so little time.

My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!

To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church.

After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias As we left just before midnight, I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.

The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiancé Tim walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.

I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding. Tim turned to me. "Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements." I mumbled, "Sure," as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cuff links.

Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. "Lord," I prayed, "please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!" I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.

As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. I approached a house... No dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good . . . No shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, "I'd be happy to!" He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me.

Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, "Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today."

"No, Ma'am," he said. "You don't understand what's happening here."

"What?" I asked.

"You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . . He paused. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. "On Wednesday I buried her." He looked away. "On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left." I nodded."This morning," he continued, "I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-outman? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, "Sir,I need you."

I stood with my mouth open.

He asked, "Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room..."

I assured him I was no angel.

He smiled. "Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?"

"No."

"I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!"

I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said, "Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today."But God found a way. Through dead flowers.

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.
If you have missed some of my emails, you may have missed a laugh.
But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, you have missed everything in the world.
May God's blessings be upon you.

THIS IS SO TRUE, BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.

Thank you for blessing me by needing me and thank you for being patient with me as I learn to let you bless me. Love, Claudia

Things YOU take for granted.....

This thread is copied and pasted directly from the "Living With ALS" Yahoo group. It illustrates just one thing I have to look forward to. Over the next few weeks I plan on posting some of my thoughts on things that I took for granted -- that I can no longer. For now, this thread speaks volumes (pun intended):


1a.
My voice is getting weak and my speech quite slurred. Even my familyand caregivers have difficulty understanding me now. I'd like someinput from those of you who can no longer speak, or from CALS whocare/have cared for PALS who can no longer speak.I have a tablet PC with a suped up speaker that I can mount to mywheelchair. I use a HeadMouse to move the pointer, a toe switch toclick, and speech software.I've tried using the tablet a couple of times after church. Unfortunately, trying to say anything other than pre-programmedgreetings (hello, how are you, etc. ) was too slow. Mingling afterchurch over coffee involves small talk that is a bit more personalizedthan the "hello how are you" phrases, but is usually fairly short -"how's your wife doing after her surgery" or "tell me about yourtrip". And then you move on to the next person. My experience wasthat people just weren't patient enough to wait for me to slowly type.Have you experienced this? How have you dealt with it?I can't use the tablet in the car because road vibrations make myheadmouse move slightly, which causes the pointer to bounce around. How do you give directions? How can I chat during my 4 hour drive toALS clinic?How do you communicate when you're on the toilet ("I need anotherwipe")? Or in the shower ("I have soap in my eyes")? Or in the hoyerlift ("My hands are caught") or in bed ("I'm cold")?How do you deal emotionally with this?

1b.
I have the same problem with my voice. My suggestion to you is a memory board. You can find it on the following web page. . . http://www.alscare.com/education.asp#memoryPrint out both the board and the instructions. It works great when you don't have your voice machine. As far as driving goes I bought my wife a GPS and I gave up on trying to give directions while we drive. It's too distracting for my wife. And dangerous. Sorry to hear that you are having trouble. I wish we all had a miracle cure.

1c.
I wish I had an easy answer for you. Unfortunately every device I've come across has all those problems. I have learned to be an excellent listener. A lot of the time after I get home from a visit I will email the person with all the things I wanted to say but couldn't. Also, it helps if you or your caregiver reminds the person your speaking to to ask yes and no questions. Another thing I do is if, for example, I'm going to church. I will print a paper for my caregiver of things I would like to say to specific people. As for personal needs you really have to rely on your caregiver to know your signals that you need something. They pretty much need to anticipate your needs. I've learned to accept that I can't do or say everything I want and I just have to let go of it. It takes lots of patience on both sides.

1d.
I know exactly what you are saying and one thing i can tell you is what worked for me was i had my doctor write me out a prescription for xanax and it helped me enough to the point that i could deal with handling people moving on with the conversation while i was still on the first topic.I would go back to it and if they acted like it bother them i would just act like i knew what i was talking about (which i did) and smile at them. Then it was up to them to remember and put my response with the topic that it went with. After a couple of times of doing that and i learnt who my true friends were and who was rasied right to go back and be cool about it. Does any of this make sense? And i will be honest a couple of times i have asked them 'If you were sitting in my chair would you want to be treated like you just treated me; being rude and rolling your eyes and mumbling under your breath because let me tell you that isn't very nice?!" After i done that a couple of times then they started slowing down which allowed me to get in and follow along with the conversation.I have made quite a few friends like that and i have lose a few too!!I hope i have helped a little bit.

Prayers Needed

I have mentioned that the past couple of weeks have been a challenge....Christopher started feeling better last night...and this morning Amy woke up sick as a dog. So, I'm trying to do what little I can for her (at least when she gets sick she knows to head to the BATHROOM) and entertain Christopher. My friends are all otherwise committed.... work (most of them) ... and my poor friend Julia had her second surgery (2 in 7 days) last week and Sharyll's husband is still injured and needing help from his car crash last week. Thankfully, Janie brought us some groceries yesterday (THANK YOU, JANIE!) and Sharyll is going to try to get Fred settled for a while and come over...long enough to at least help get the laundry and dishes caught up.

So far, Christopher is being super good....we are laying in my bed watching "Sprout TV". I am grateful for every minute he cooperates!

Poor Amy is miserable. Hopefully the motrin and phenergan suppository will help her rest and ride this out.

Please pray I don't catch the bug. I've been a maniac with antibacterial wipes and alcohol hand gel, but there's only so much you can do in a small house with sick people nearby.....

The good news is that I CAN still walk, and get to the bathroom by myself, and feed myself. I don't know how God's going to fill in the gaps when I get to the point where I can't take care of myself at all... let alone Christopher and Amy. It is scary for me.

If you have ALS and you have a family caregiver, consider how blessed you are....what's more, if you have a family caregiver who allows your spouse to work and maintain a relatively "normal" family life (kid's ball games, shopping, work, eating out) you should consider how much MORE blessed you are!

Love, Claudia

Life's Challenges

Exhausting. That pretty much sums up the past 2 weeks. Since my last post, we've had several appointments and outings. I love getting out and seeing things besides the walls inside my not-so-huge house, but I pay the price. It is frustrating.

And Christopher is sick. He has a stomach virus. It reminds me of the 'bad old days' when he was in school and sick ALL the time. He had perked up a little this afternoon but still didn't feel well (this morning he was so weak I was worried). It is so hard for me to not be able to be the hands-on mom and to watch Amy take care of him (she does such a wonderful job, but I feel so helpless to help him). At least he let me lay down with him for a while this afternoon and rub his back. Here's his pitiful self about 5 PM today, trying SO hard not to cry and to be a 'big boy'. He'll always be my baby, though:

He's still got a fever and dry heaves....but we're managing to keep ahead of dehydration with tiny sips of water. Just pray that neither Amy nor I get the bug (oh bad!).

Love, Claudia

Big Day

It was been a beautiful weekend and I've been frustrated by my limitations. My strength, stamina and balance are definitely worse than last fall. I tried to do some simple things outside but found myself so short of breath that I could only speak in two-word phrases and literally collapsing into bed exhausted from picking up a few dried leaves!

Today was beautiful too... probably the prettiest day of the three (warmer and sunny) but I spent it at I.U. Hospital seeing my neurologist and getting some pulmonary function tests. Now, I just want you to know that I have the coolest neruologist on the planet. He is awesome (and has been from 'day one' -- even though that day he told me I had ALS and not Myasthenia Gravis...which would have been my preference, had I been able to choose). Today's visit was no exception. He always displays great respect for my thoughts and has a great sense of humor.

After a discussion with Dr. P about my pulmonary function being affected by positon (sitting, laying down) a crack was made (I won't say by WHOM) about how function would be affected by being inverted...which led to a conversation about Stephen Hawking taking a ride on the "Vomit Comet"...the NASA aircraft that flys in a way that simulates weighlessness.

On my way out of the office, I was handed my obligaory stack of prescriptions. On top was this one:

Not ONE but TWO trips!!! THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! He cracks me up!

Now, the drama: While we were at the doctor's office my friend, Sharyll, got a call that her husband had been in a serious motor vehicle collision. We later learned that the driver of one of the OTHER two vehicles involved (a total of three were involved) was killed. Sharyll's husband is going to be fine, and they are very blessed....in spite of totalling their vehicle.

And, tonight, after I got home I had an infamous "first"... my first PUBLIC fall. No blood, no foul, but I'm gonna have some bruises. I never even got a look at the gentleman who helped Amy pick me up.....

Lots of love,

Claudia

My First Video Blog

Claudia's Blog: Reality Check

Claudia's Blog: Reality Check