Friday, February 26, 2010

Preaching to myself…

I just received an email from a dear friend.  She is in the midst of a significant family crisis.  Her husband is very ill and is in the hospital, she is raising her disabled grandchild and she has serious, chronic health problems of her own.  People tell her  “Let me know if you need anything” but then they walk away. 

Why do people do that?  I have a theory, and it is borne out of my own life history…I’ve done it.  I didn’t intend to be insensitive, but I was nonetheless.  Admittedly, I was busy (working 2 or 3 jobs, parenting special needs kids as a single mom).  Sometimes I would help but sometimes I didn’t see how I had the time to do anything helpful.  Even when I knew that there was likely nothing I had the ability to do, I’d say “Let me know if you need anything” anyway.  Why?  Honestly, in retrospect, I think it was because it made ME feel better!  Well, guess what?  It wasn’t supposed to be about ME! 

James 2: 15-16 says, “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes or daily food.  If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?”  I’m thinking that saying “Let me know if you need anything” and walking away is essentially the same thing as James speaks of in this passage.

I’m thankful for the opportunities to help that I DID seize upon , and saddened and ashamed for the times when all I did was spout a platitude.  Hurting people don’t need platitudes.  They need love that comes with hands and feet.

Lord, help me to see the people around me who need something and help me to GIVE IT.  Help me to be love in action.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Unexpected Blessings

Recently, in response to an article in the Indy Star asking for Indiana families, we were nominated for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (EMHE).  While it would be unbelievable if we were chosen, the real blessing has been all the love and support I’ve received.  A couple of people have even shared their nomination letter with me and I am humbled and honored.  Most people live their whole life without those around them telling them what they love about them.  Then at the funeral or memorial service, people line up to say nice things about them.  Why not tell them NOW?  I’m not sure I deserve the credit I’ve been given.  I just loved my kids and cared for my patients the best way I knew how.  Still, knowing that a few people thought that I have done a good job means so very much.  Who do you need to tell?

Thank you for loving me.  Makeover or not, God is meeting our needs, challenging me to be a better person and giving me opportunities to show love to others.

I am blessed!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Another Snowy Night

For the first time since I can remember we’ve had snow on the ground for more than 2 weeks without some sort of thaw.  While I’m ready for the snow to go and summer to BE HERE, I am happy to see white instead of shades of grey when I look out my windows.

I haven’t been out of the house at all since December 5th.  Honestly, I can’t believe that I’m saying that with so little emotion.  It just is what it is.  Christopher and I have successfully dodged all of the various bugs floating around (including H1N1) and for that I am very grateful!  Add the difficulty of Amy trying to get us all into the van (is that “circus music” I hear playing?) in this frigid weather and it just seems like a no-brainer to STAY HOME.

Being home gives me a lot of time to think…maybe too much.  I go to Facebook, check my email and try to spend as much time with Christopher as I can.  Amazing how the day is filled with just that.  Sometimes though, while perusing Facebook, I read of a friend from one of my “former lives” who has reached an important milestone: a wedding, a new baby, a new job, going back to school, a vacation.. and I feel like I am left behind.  I envision myself  in a little inlet on the bend of a river, where the water is still and deep.  The river itself rushes by, being renewed and I tread water: watching.  It is an odd feeling for someone who always was trying to swim faster, harder and stronger to meet the next challenge head-on.

Not that I don’t have challenges anymore.  I have plenty…but I have lost the illusion that I have any control.  I say “illusion” because I never HAD control.  I just WANTED it! 

I am thankful for the peace of God that indwells that still, deep place that I am.  But sometimes, I just want to get into the rapids one more time.