Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Heart Wanted....

In Acts, David is referred to as a "man after God's own heart". David was a king, a poet, a murderer, a warrior and a child-victor over Golliath. David was far from perfect. But more than anything, David was after God's heart. He didn't want God's power or His favor for his own gain. David wanted God's heart. In Psalm 139:23 David writes "Search me, O God, and know my heart." It is no coincidence that those words were followed by a plea for God to reveal to him any "wicked way[s]" and for God to lead him "in the way everlasting."

I started a Bible Study this morning about David. At the conclusion of the lesson, we were given a sheet of paper, blank save for a giant heart drawn on it. The assignment: examine your heart right now and depict it in some way (words, drawings, colors). There were many heavy hearts at our table. A mother who's son has turned his back on God and his family, a woman who's husband died abruptly from cancer this summer, another friend who is separated from her spouse, and Amy and I, dealing with the weight of autism, Fragile X and ALS.

I glanced around the room while the women were working on their "hearts" and I saw many tears. Sometimes it is easy, when your heart is heavy, to think that yours is the only one. That "everyone else" has a rosy life. Some of us even pretend that it is rosy when, in fact, it isn't. Sound familiar?

Some days I feel as if my heart is a pulverized, unrecognizable mess. Yuck. Got a visual? I do. The thing God told me today is that he still wants it...desires passionate about it...all of it. So, today I pictured myself holding a tattered piece of blood-dripping meat, nearly unrecognizable as the organ it was created to be, out to my Father God, who lovingly cradled it in his outstretched hands and smiled as a child would when they are reunited with a loving parent: unmitigated joy.

Father, help me to remember that while, like David, I'm far from perfect, that what you want is all of my heart. Help me to remember that, like Abraham, who believed and it was "credited to him as righteousness," you look not on my brokenness or my sin but on the righteousness of Your Son who died to gain that righteousness for me. Thank you, Father, for that most wonderful gift! Lord, search my heart and renew a right spirit within me. Lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.