Coincidence? Maybe NOT......

Just last night I was feeling that sinking feeling I get now and then... I even posted it as my status on MySpace.... "Claudia feels like life is passing me by... everyone else's life goes on..." Then today I got this devotional (once again, from Ephesians Four Ministries):

The Place of Nothingness
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
05-25-2008
"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) .

Do you find yourself in a place of nothingness? There is a time and place in our walk with God in which He sets us in a place of isolation and waiting. It is a place in which all past experiences are of no value. It is a time of such stillness that it can disturb the most faithful if we do not understand that He is the one who has brought us to this place for only a season. It is as if God has placed a wall around us. No new opportunities - simply inactivity.

During these times, God is calling us aside to fashion something new in us. It is a place of nothingness designed to call us to deeper roots of prayer and faith. It is not a comfortable place, especially for a task-driven workplace believer. Our nature cries out, "You must do something" while God is saying, "Be still and know that I am God." You know the signs that you have been brought into this place when He has removed many things from your life and you can't seem to change anything. Perhaps you are unemployed. Perhaps you are laid up with an illness.

Many people live a very planned and orchestrated life where they know almost everything that will happen. But for people in whom God is performing a deeper work, He brings them into a time of quietness that seems almost eerie. They cannot see what God is doing. They just know that He is doing a work that cannot be explained to themselves or to others.

Has God brought you to a place of nothingness? Be still and know that He really is God. When this happens, your nothingness will be turned into something you will value for the rest of your life.

I'm looking forward to seeing the deeper work.. I am definitely the person who is described above who has "been brought into this place when [God] has removed many things from [my] life and [I] can't seem to change anything."

Thank you, Lord, for the ministry of Ephesians Four and Os Hillman through their words that seem written so often just for me. Amen.

Love,
Claudia

Payin' the Piper

I had such a wonderful weekend filled with friends, old and new! Today, I'm payin' the piper....been sleeping most of the day and no energy when I'm awake. It is totally worth it!

Thanks for your love,

Claudia

Translation and Blessings

Beautiful spring sky and the blooms on my miniature crab apple tree

I was told that I need to knock-off the "medical-jargon"....so here's the translation of my last blog post: I'm having more symptoms and my ALS is progressing. That's the long and short of it.... sorry for the big-word-eese...honest, I don't do it to confuse...just second nature!

It is a beautiful, beautiful day! I am sitting on my front porch, with praise and worship playing from a streaming station at http://www.pandora.com/. I am enveloped by God's love. God is multiplying my friends like Jesus did the loaves and fishes. Wednesday Sheryl was here with her unstoppable energy and creativity! Friday afternoon I got to hang out with Julia and that night I had fellowship at Small Group (love you guys!!) and yesterday (before I was even up!) Danny had come over and cleaned out the gutters (thank you, thank you, thank you!) and even brought "treats" for Christopher and me. Yesterday our friends the Horaks were here and went to church with us last night. Today my friend Roni surprised us with a visit and then my buddy from the ER at Methodist, Aaron, and his wife, Michelle and their friends came over and are working in my flower beds (that is an understatement...more like transforming my yard)!

I feel like a princess...and yet I am SO humbled. People who don't even know me, sacrificing their time and effort just to make my world more beautiful! WOW. Isn't God amazing? This is all HIM loving me through souls in "earth suits"!

Love,

Claudia

Medical Update

Hi all,

Up until the past few weeks, I don't feel that there has been much to report regarding my health. I've gotten progressively more fatigued, have more slurred speech, more trouble eating, yadda, yadda. The past couple of months things have taken a somewhat more dramatic (for me, at least) change. The most obvious new physical symptom I've developed is clonus. I had some jaw clonus (feels just like your 'teeth chattering' for no reason) for many months, but I now have clonus in my extremities. Unfortunately it is making my balance more unsteady. The other rather significant symptom I've developed is marked dyspnea (shortness of breath) with exertion...to the point where I can only speak in one-to-two-word sentences. I saw a pulmonologist in Indy last week and he has changed me from my BiPAP to a non-invasive ventilator at night (AVAPS) and has put me on a 6-week blitz of nebulized short-acting and long-acting bronchodilators as well as steroids. This, coupled with my immune deficiency (treating my inability to fight the bacteria that causes pneumonia) is a concerning development. Mostly, though, I just get frustrated because my phyisical activity and sleep are so negativly affected by my breathing.

So, you might see me in my wheelchair, or walking with a "rollator" walker. All this said, I don't think I "look sick" and I'm glad of that. I'm trying to get sun whenever I can to cast off the winter-pale and I laugh and joke as much as possible! Come join me on the deck or front porch! Bring your sense of humor...it is the only requirement.

Love, Claudia

Please activate prayer chains

In a nutshell... please pray that our situation with Medicaid is rectified! As it stands, I have a $927/month spend down (I have to pay that out of pocket on Medicaid eligible expenses before Medicaid will pay a DIME toward my medical bills). I have Medicare, but it is TERRIBLE insurance by itself.... so the amount I have to pay out of pocket would likely be the maximum which, incidentally, is almost 50% of our monthly income. Just as an example...IF Medicare covered 80% of my current medical expenses that could come to over $1400 per month...my IV Gammunex alone is close to $7000 a month and my AVAPS (non-invasive ventilator) is over $900 per month.

This could make us homeless or cause me to go without necessary medical care.

God is the only one who can change this. We have an appeal hearing on May 14th but were told outright that we will loose and owe Medicaid for everything they've paid for up to that $927 per month for each month since the change was made (5 months ago???).

Thanks for praying.

Claudia