Friday, September 7, 2007

Downswing and on the upswing

I am finally feeling a little better. After the cruise, I was exhausted and then I got bronchitis. Two antibiotics later, I'm finally feeling better. I have to say, it was not a fun "ride". Feeling sick is no fun. Feeling sick and dealing with the realities of ALS is REALLY no fun. I have to admit, I had a bit of a pity party. I do my best to think "positive" and to keep FIGHTING ALS, but there are times when I just plain am SCARED. I'm scared of the changes that are coming (and I know pretty much what I'm 'in for'). I'm scared of dying alone. I'm scared that Christopher won't recognize me as "Mommy" when I can't talk or hug him anymore.

And I'm grieving. I'm grieving the loss of my future the way I had "planned" it (hahaha). I'm grieving the loss of the job I loved. I'm grieving the loss of every small ability that is now harder for me. I'm grieving the loss of hope that things will be easier tomorrow.

All this said, I am so grateful for what I still CAN do. I am so blessed that I CAN still hug Christopher and tell him that I love him with my own voice. I am blessed to be able to cherish so many things that so many people in our spoiled, rich, blessed society take for granted. I am grateful for my friends and for this opportunity to find out who my real FRIENDS are (and that has been the biggest shock of ALL).

I hope that you can take a minute today and think about all you have... family, friends, material blessings, a job, opportunities, choices....and thank God for it all. If you are blessed (and you KNOW you are!) find SOME way to "pay it forward". Share a word of encouragement, a gift, donate to a charity, call an old friend who you "are gonna" call but can't seem to make the time, tell someone that you LOVE them......Make the world a little bit better place today than it was yesterday, somehow.

Love, Claudia

4 comments:

FXSmom said...

That doesn't sound like fun. Hope you get better soon.

sheryl said...

Cluadia
You are an Awesome person and just knowing you has enriched my life.

Remember YOU ARE LOVED

SHERYL

Anonymous said...

Claudia,

Amidst your trials, you are encouraging as ever. I am thankful for you as a friend.

Love, Debbie

Praising Him! Paula said...

I too am learning about grief in a different way. And learning to be grateful in a much different way. My trials though so much different than yours bring a lot of fears and the Lord is the only one who has been able to calm them and get me through with an understanding that not only makes me have hope but draws me so much closer to Him! I praise him for that and I am no longer in panic mode but have moved into trust mode. My greatest gift is that He is teaching me to trust Him and for me to just do the next right thing and not worry. Does not mean I do not have sad times or frustrations but I take them to Him and life is much more peaceful. Will pray that for you too!