Preaching to myself…

I just received an email from a dear friend.  She is in the midst of a significant family crisis.  Her husband is very ill and is in the hospital, she is raising her disabled grandchild and she has serious, chronic health problems of her own.  People tell her  “Let me know if you need anything” but then they walk away. 

Why do people do that?  I have a theory, and it is borne out of my own life history…I’ve done it.  I didn’t intend to be insensitive, but I was nonetheless.  Admittedly, I was busy (working 2 or 3 jobs, parenting special needs kids as a single mom).  Sometimes I would help but sometimes I didn’t see how I had the time to do anything helpful.  Even when I knew that there was likely nothing I had the ability to do, I’d say “Let me know if you need anything” anyway.  Why?  Honestly, in retrospect, I think it was because it made ME feel better!  Well, guess what?  It wasn’t supposed to be about ME! 

James 2: 15-16 says, “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes or daily food.  If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?”  I’m thinking that saying “Let me know if you need anything” and walking away is essentially the same thing as James speaks of in this passage.

I’m thankful for the opportunities to help that I DID seize upon , and saddened and ashamed for the times when all I did was spout a platitude.  Hurting people don’t need platitudes.  They need love that comes with hands and feet.

Lord, help me to see the people around me who need something and help me to GIVE IT.  Help me to be love in action.

Unexpected Blessings

Recently, in response to an article in the Indy Star asking for Indiana families, we were nominated for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (EMHE).  While it would be unbelievable if we were chosen, the real blessing has been all the love and support I’ve received.  A couple of people have even shared their nomination letter with me and I am humbled and honored.  Most people live their whole life without those around them telling them what they love about them.  Then at the funeral or memorial service, people line up to say nice things about them.  Why not tell them NOW?  I’m not sure I deserve the credit I’ve been given.  I just loved my kids and cared for my patients the best way I knew how.  Still, knowing that a few people thought that I have done a good job means so very much.  Who do you need to tell?

Thank you for loving me.  Makeover or not, God is meeting our needs, challenging me to be a better person and giving me opportunities to show love to others.

I am blessed!!

Another Snowy Night

For the first time since I can remember we’ve had snow on the ground for more than 2 weeks without some sort of thaw.  While I’m ready for the snow to go and summer to BE HERE, I am happy to see white instead of shades of grey when I look out my windows.

I haven’t been out of the house at all since December 5th.  Honestly, I can’t believe that I’m saying that with so little emotion.  It just is what it is.  Christopher and I have successfully dodged all of the various bugs floating around (including H1N1) and for that I am very grateful!  Add the difficulty of Amy trying to get us all into the van (is that “circus music” I hear playing?) in this frigid weather and it just seems like a no-brainer to STAY HOME.

Being home gives me a lot of time to think…maybe too much.  I go to Facebook, check my email and try to spend as much time with Christopher as I can.  Amazing how the day is filled with just that.  Sometimes though, while perusing Facebook, I read of a friend from one of my “former lives” who has reached an important milestone: a wedding, a new baby, a new job, going back to school, a vacation.. and I feel like I am left behind.  I envision myself  in a little inlet on the bend of a river, where the water is still and deep.  The river itself rushes by, being renewed and I tread water: watching.  It is an odd feeling for someone who always was trying to swim faster, harder and stronger to meet the next challenge head-on.

Not that I don’t have challenges anymore.  I have plenty…but I have lost the illusion that I have any control.  I say “illusion” because I never HAD control.  I just WANTED it! 

I am thankful for the peace of God that indwells that still, deep place that I am.  But sometimes, I just want to get into the rapids one more time.

Live For The Moment

Live For The Moment, a new show on CBS, aired for the first time tonight.  I DVR’d it (it came on at 8PM and that’s my time to spend with Christopher…tonight we watched a DVD on trains).  I spent time with Catherine watching old A-Team reruns (need a laugh at those 80’s fashions?!).  After Cat headed to bed, I turned on Live For The Moment. 

Tonight’s episode was about a man with ALS who got to do some of the things he had always dreamed of doing, and along the way he taught some of his friends and family how to “live like you are dying.”  As I watched the show I realized how incredibly blessed I am.  No, I never got to be a fighter pilot or professional singer (two things I would have loved), but I did become a paramedic and RN and I got to care for patients in the helicopter.  That was my dream and I GOT TO DO IT.  Some days I’m all soggy-shorts over not getting to do it longer, but I GOT TO DO IT!  I realize how many people never get to do what they love!

Now, I have the gift of ALS…which has given me so much perspective on the people in my life.  My children are first and foremost and I am truly able to treasure each moment with them.  As for my friends, the adage that people come into your life for a “reason, a season, or a lifetime” is SO TRUE.  I used to fret over people that I had lost touch with through no fault of my own, or people who had just parted ways with me.  Now I realize that they weren’t meant to be “lifetime” friends.  Very few people are meant as lifetime friends, and the rare person who has more than one or two of those is rich indeed.  I am rich!!

I am SO blessed! 

What can you do differently in your life to live every day as if it were your last?  What is truly important?  What will matter in your life 10 months from now or 10 years from now or IN ETERNITY?  Ask yourself that when you are all bent out of shape about something tomorrow, or when you are (intentionally or unintentionally) setting your priorities.  You just might find yourself looking back with fewer regrets someday.  THAT is a gift! 

Love, Claudia

I Don't Understand

There's something I just don't understand.  Why did God give me a passion  for emergency medicine, the ability to do it well and a desire to do medical missions only to allow me to lose the chance to go and help?  Watching the coverage from Haiti makes me feel so frustrated.  I could have helped.  I want to help.  Why is my mind fine and my body betraying me?  I should be helping!  I should be helping!  I WANT TO HELP!

I have many friends and former co-workers who are already planning their trip to Haiti.  I am envious.  I feel so useless.  I could help... I should be helping!

Then I realize that the world goes on and people will help and really no one will miss me or my contribution.  This isn't about me.  This is about the Haitian people.  Poor, suffering people BEFORE the earthquake and now, literally in a living hell.  I can pray.  I can give up something and send a little bit of money...that's it.

Please join me in doing whatever you can (however small it might be) for the people of Haiti.  Thank you!